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I must apologize. I'm just not myself this week. Unfortunately, several people have called up and complimented me for that very reason.


The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. --Romans 6:23

In Christ we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace. — Ephesians 1:7
I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. —Psalm 55:16-17 (NIV)



Look at the land with your own eyes, since you are not going to cross this Jordan. But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see. — Deuteronomy 3:27b-28

Thought: Moses led the people of Israel out of Egypt and in the wilderness, but did not get to enter into the Promised Land because of his sin. Yet, for all those years, Moses nurtured and prepared the person who would do what he could not do. That person was Joshua. Who are you training, molding, encouraging, motivating, and calling to do what you won't be able to do? What successor will take your dreams farther than you can? Who is your Joshua?
Prayer: Holy and Righteous God, please lead me to those with whom you want me to share my life and to pass on your heritage of faith. Please open my eyes to see them. Give me strength to live my life honestly and courageously before them. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to


The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Micah 4:5 NIV = All the nations may walk in the name of their gods; we will walk in the name of the LORD our God forever and ever.


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

Be thankful you don’t live in Taiwan, as today is NATIONAL TOMB SWEEPING DAY.  *** Because what we needed more than anything was a holiday to creep us out first thing in the morning.
But hey, on the upside, it’s also MAKE YOUR CHILDREN LAUGH DAY!  Today’s the day to do something really goofy they’ll still remember next year. *** Like, uh… sweeping tombs…


Equal Pay Day

National Deep Dish Pizza Day

National Sexual Assault Awareness Mont’s Day of Action (SAAM)

Read a Road Map Day



Army Day

Charlie the Tuna Day

Drowsy Driver Awareness Day

Hostess Twinkie Day

International Day of Sport for Development of Peace

Childhelp National Day of Hope

National Student Athlete Day

National Walking Day

New Beers Eve

Paraprofessional Appreciation Day

Tartan Day

Teflon Day

Whole Grain Sampling Day

Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide

International Beaver Day

International Snailpapers Day

Metric System Day

National Alcohol Screening Day

National Beer Day

No Housework Day (known here as Wednesday!)

World Health Organization Day

Buddah Day

Draw a Bird Day

International Roma Day

National Dog Fighting Awareness Day

Trading Cards For Grown-Ups Day

National Cherish An Antique Day

National Former Prisoner of War Recognition Day

Appomattox Day

Baby Massage Day

Bring Your Own Cup” Slurpee Day

Jenkins Ear Day

Jump Day

Slow Art Day

Winston Churchill Day



Global Day To End Child Sexual Abuse

National Farm Animals Day

National Sibling Day

Salvation Army Founders’ Day

Safety Pin Day

Barbershop Quartet Day

Education and Sharing Day

International “Louie Louie” Day

International Table Top Day

National Pet Day

National Teach Children To Save Day

Submarine Day

World Parkinson’s Disease Day

D.E.A.R. Day (Drop Everything And Read)

Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day

International Day of Human Space Flight

International Day For Street Children

National Be Kind to Lawyers Day

National Library Workers Day

National Library Day

National Licorice Day

Walk On Your Wild Side Day


1614: America's Pocahontas married English colonist John Rolfe in Virginia.
1621: The Mayflower sailed from Plymouth, Massachusetts, to return to England. (audio clip)
1856: Educator Booker T. Washington was born in Franklin County, Virginia. An educational leader and spokesman of African-Americans, he established the Tuskegee Institute in 1881. He was inducted into the American Hall of Fame in 1945.
1977: Singer David Bowie appeared on a TV special starring Dinah Shore.
1980: In the final first-run episode of "Hawaii Five-0," McGarrett captured his arch-enemy Wo-Fat. The series, starring Jack Lord and James MacArthur, lasted 12 years. (audio clip)
1984: Los Angeles Laker Kareem Abdul Jabbar skyhooked his 31,420th point to pass Wilt Chamberlain at the top of the NBA's all-time scoring list.
1985: John McEnroe was quoted as saying, "Any man can beat any woman at any sport, especially tennis."
1987: "Married ... With Children" debuted on the Fox TV network. (audio clip)
1990: A Gulfport, Mississippi, man discovered that his house had been stolen. Not only that, but police had escorted the thieves and the house out of town.
1992: Sam Walton died in Little Rock at age 74. His Wal-Mart chain had made him the world’s richest man.
1993: Sherry Davis became the first female public-address-system announcer at a major league baseball park. She won the San Francisco Giant’s job over 499 others who auditioned.
1998: A sheep being held on the roof of a Cairo apartment building for slaughter during a religious festival, decided he’d rather commit suicide and jumped off the roof, breaking gas pipes when he landed, causing a gas leak, and forcing evacuation of the building.
1999: Thieves forced open a display case at the Criminals Hall of Fame Museum in Niagara Falls, Ontario, and walked out with life-size wax figure of Adolph Hitler. The museum was open, but nobody witnessed the theft.
2004: Lightning struck the jet Mexican President Vicente Fox was on near Mexico City, but the plane landed safely and no one was hurt.


1524: Swiss reformer Ulrich Zwingli marries Anna Reinhart for the second time—this time in public. In 1522, Zwingli (and 10 other priests) appealed to the bishop of Constance for permission to marry. When the bishop refused the petition, Zwingli married secretly and, later that year, resigned from the priesthood.
1621: The Mayflower sails home, leaving the Pilgrims in the New World where many die over winter.
1649: John Winthrop, the first governor of Massachusetts Bay, dies. Profoundly religious, Winthrop, who left England because of its persecution of Puritans, believed New England to be "a city upon a hill" for the world to see and emulate.
1796: Singing "Jesus, I Long for Thy Blessed Communion" as he works, Hans Nielsen Hague overflows with joy. He leaves home to spread the gospel throughout Norway, traveling 10,000 miles to preach, sparking renewal wherever he goes and suffering imprisonment ten times.
1811: Robert Raikes, founder of English Sunday schools in 1780, dies. Raikes built his Sunday schools not for respectable and well-mannered children of believers, but for (in one woman's description) "multitudes of wretches who, released on that day from employment, spend their day in noise and riot." In 4 years, 250,000 students were attending the schools, by Raikes's death, 500,000, and by 1831, 1.25 million.
1887: Christian historian Lord Acton writes his famous saying "power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely" in a letter to his friend Mandell Creighton. Acton was often on the outs with the Roman Catholic church because he did not accept the doctrine of papal infallibility.
1943: Dietrich Bonhoeffer is arrested by the Nazis whom he resisted. He will be hanged in prison.
1956: The ruins of Ulrich's church in Magdeburg are dynamited by the East Germans, despite church protests. The building dated back to 1028, had been damaged in the war, and the church had made plans to rebuild it.


  • Actor (Skinner on “The X-Files”) Mitch Pileggi, 64 (audio clip)

  • actress (Death at a Funeral, “Wish Me Luck”) Jane Asher 70

  • Actor (“Barney Miller's” Det. Stanley "Wojo" Wojohowicz) Max Gail, 73 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“Law & Order's” Asst. D.A. Ben Stone) Michael Moriarty, 75 (audio clip)


(Music Artist Birthdays From

1922 : Gale Storm

1925 : Stan Levey

1928 : Tony Williams (The Platters)

1929 : Joe Meek

1932 : Billy Bland

1934 : Stanley Turrentine

1939 : Ronnie White (The Miracles)

1941 : Dave Swarbick (Fairport Convention)

1942 : Alan Clarke (The Hollies)

1944 : Crispian St. Peters

1944 : Nicholas Caldwell (The Whispers)
1950 : Agnetha Faltskog (ABBA)

1951 : Everett Morton (The English Beat)

1965 : Mike McCready (Pearl Jam)

1968 : Paula Cole


Why is household dust grey?

Grey household dust consists mostly of sloughed-off human skin cells. Although humans are of different color, the pigments are found below the layer that generates the outer layer of dead skin. Dry skin is a translucent grey color, and consequently, so is the dust. There is no other color in it because the blood vessels are much deeper down and they are not lost as the skin grows.


Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at!


(No news on the weekends.)

Research shows people who swear more have bigger vocabularies than those who opt for an expletive-free life. In fact, those who were more confident using swear words were also more articulate in other areas of language use.  *** But ironically, their expanded vocabulary only included words with four letters.  

A Chinese company has developed a virtually indestructible smart phone. Xiaomi (pronounced “Show Me”) recently launched their Mi 5 which costs about $300. YouTube user Allen Wang took both a saw and drill to the backside of the phone and it didn't event make a scratch. The down side, right now it is only available in China. ***Meaning it probably also contains lead.
A park employee was found dead inside the haunted house at Disneyland Paris just before the park opened on Saturday morning. The 45 year old man whose name has not been released, had been working at Disneyland Paris since 2002. He was found by colleagues between 8 and 9 a.m. and confirmed dead at 10 a.m. The attraction was immediately shut down for investigation. An investigation is still underway, but police suspect that the incident was an accident.  ***And despite being found in the haunted house, investigators are sure fear had nothing to do with it – because… Disney.
Astronaut Scott Kelly retired over the weekend after 20 years with NASA and spending a year in space. During his career, Kelly completed four separate missions in 1999, 2007, 2010 and 2015, accruing 520 days in space. He retires with the American record for most cumulative time in space. ***When asked why he had decided to retire, he grumbled something about the moon not being made of cheese after all.  


Is the anti-obesity message finally getting through?  A marked drop in the obesity rate among preschoolers in the U.S. has researchers and parents pointing to a variety of possible factors.  ***MARLAR: First and foremost – paying for your mandatory healthcare leaves no money to shop for food.  

Liquid baby names are a hot thing right now.  Liquid means names are becoming increasingly soft-sounding, ditching hard consonants for a whole lot of vowels. Examples: Liam, Ethan, Ava and Amelia. ***MARLAR: Oh, well that's better than the liquid names I was thinking of… like Coffee, Coke, and Lake Michigan.  Those would be terrible baby names. 
If you're feeling bummed out, you might want to try working out. A recent study found that just 30 minutes of brisk walking immediately boosted the mood of depressed patients and gave them the same quick boost they might otherwise have sought from cigarettes, caffeine or binge eating. Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that depressed people who walked for 30 minutes reported feeling more vigorous and had a greater sense of psychological well-being.  ***MARLAR: Conversely, it also helps you feel good to tell people who are annoying you to take a hike.
Any dieter knows that it's hard to keep off weight you've lost. Now a study finds that even a year after dieters shed a good chunk of weight quickly, their hormones were still insisting, "Eat! Eat! Eat!"  The findings suggest that dieters who have regained weight are not just slipping back into old habits, but are struggling against a persistent biological urge.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, it's called HUNGRY.  







OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Nozzles the Elephant, Sully the Aardvark, and some of the other jungle animals decided to all get together and take advantage of a rare occurrence in the jungle… a heavy wind. Nozzles suggested getting together at the beach to go sailing, but he had to stop by the bookstore first…

CLOSE: That is a letdown… kinda hard to go sailing with your friends if you don’t have any wind for the sails! But everyone is on their way to Nozzles sailboat! So far our story is kinda boring… maybe the wind will pick up some next time, As the Jungle Turns.


OPEN:, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As The Jungle Turns! Last time, Cheetah Bonita decided she didn’t want to sing three-part harmony with her sisters any longer… she wanted to go solo. But both of her sisters hated that idea – and so did Gruffy Bear. Music in the jungle just wouldn’t be the same without that three part harmony. And then, Nozzles the Elephant stopped by…
CLOSE: Boy, it’s beginning to look like everybody wants to be solo – and nobody wants to harmonize! Tune in next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.


A 27-year-old Romanian refugee became a stowaway on a German flight in the most unusual way…

… he didn't hide in the bathroom or luggage area -- he latched onto the landing gear of the plane. Authorities said the man, whom they did not name, had scrambled undetected onto the forward tire of the aircraft shortly before the Berlin-bound plane took off and hauled himself into the gear shaft. The pilot was unable to retract the gear and decided to abort the flight and return to Munich. Meanwhile, the stowaway managed to survive the 23-minute flight by holding onto the landing gear of a Boeing 737. He was taken to hospital suffering from hypothermia. ***MARLAR: And you thought flying coach was bad!


10. You got a fine and your parents knew within the hour.
9. You don't give directions by street names, but by references (turn by Nelson's house, go 2 blocks past Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).
8. You can't help but date a friend's ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.
7. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
6. You refer to anyone with a house newer then 1980 as "the rich people".
5. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you want a ride somewhere.
4. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
3. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away (or more).
2 Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team.
1. You can charge at all the local stores or write checks without any i.d.


A school teacher uses a firm voice to nab two criminals!
FILE #1: From Terre Haute, Indiana comes the story of a couple of teenagers who were going door to door offering to shovel snow off sidewalks. They eventually came to the home of retired school teacher Eileen Prose who wasn't at home. The door was unlocked and our culprits decided to go inside and nose around, looking for anything they might want. About that time Mrs. Prose returned home, saw the two shovels standing outside and the front door slightly ajar and quickly figured out what was going on. First, she used her cell phone to call the cops. Then, as she approached the house, the teenagers came walking out. Using her best school teacher voice she said, "You boys are going to stay right there until the police come." Our less-than-intelligent heroes must have had some sort of grade school flashback, because that's just what they did. They followed their teacher's instructions and waited quietly until the police arrived to arrest them.
FILE #2: A 35-year-old in Lisbon, Portugal was stopped while walking his pit bull without a leash. Policemen have been cracking down lately on what they call "dangerous" dogs. The man threatened the officers with his dog but the "dangerous" animal ran away leaving the man standing there.  So the man bit the officers himself. The man is now under house arrest. The pit bull is still at large. 
FILE #3: A 7-year-old in Enterprise, Alabama, who apparently wanted to play with friends couldn't wait. He drove off in his father's truck, eventually running it into a ditch before police officers managed to coax him out of the vehicle. The boy was driving the big, dual-wheel truck erratically when other drivers called police, saying they couldn't see anyone behind the wheel. The boy apparently got the keys while his father was sleeping, and he was trying to drive to a day care center. 
STRANGE LAW: Community leaders in one California town passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.


Here’s an interesting story... passing out and getting locked into a bar overnight, and the bar owners Don’t Care!

A patron at the I Don't Care Bar & Grill evidently didn't care about leaving until it was way past closing time and the door was locked. The man, whose name was not released, told police in western Kentucky that he fell asleep inside the bar and when he got up to leave he set off the alarm.  Hopkinsville, Ky., police officers arrived a few minutes before 3 a.m. Friday to find him still locked inside the establishment and unable to find a way out. So they helped him leave the bar. No one was arrested. Evidently it's not a crime to be left behind after closing time at I Don't Care.


What do you have at your house that's broken, but you're keeping it anyway?


QUESTION: What is the name of the day when the Holy Spirit came upon the disciples?
ANSWER: Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4)


QUESTION: What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

ANSWER: Strawberry


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Cherophobia is the fear of 70's pop singers. (False - it's the fear of laughing yourself to death.)

2. In the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace in the civilized world. (True)
3. The three most common elements in the universe are hydrogen, helium, and carbon. (False - hydrogen, helium, and OXYGEN)
4. The woman who has appeared most on the covers of Time magazine is Hillary Clinton. (False - it's the Virgin Mary)
5. The number of births that occur in India each year is higher than the entire population of Australia. (True)
6. Levi Strauss blue jeans with copper rivets were priced at $13.50 per dozen in 1874. (True)
7. Money is made from high quality paper. (False - it's made out of linen.)
8. Most American car horns honk in the key of C. (False - F)
9. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (True)
10. There are 35 million digestive glands in the stomach. (True)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


A grocery store in South Australia says paranormal detectives are investigating a ghost who likes flinging Fruit Roll-Ups.

Brompton IGA store owner Norm Hurst says he turned to his surveillance footage after finding a box of the fruit snacks laying in an aisle, about six meters from its original location, after he had locked up shop.

‘The previous owners told me it was haunted,’ Mr Hurst told Adelaide Now. ‘I thought, ‘yeah, whatever.’ But since we’ve owned the place, strange things have happened.’

Mr Hurst watched the CCTV footage and says he was shocked by what he saw.

‘One of the cameras shows the packet of Roll-Ups just arriving on the ground,’ he told the Herald Sun. ‘It has not just slid off, it has been thrown out of the pasta, yet, the Roll-Ups are kept 12 metres away.’



After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!"

While replacing some roof tiles, Marty fell from a ladder. His ankle broken, he called out for help - and his neighbor's four-year-old came to his side. "Don't worry," she said, disappearing into her house. Minutes later she returned in her nurse's outfit, carrying a medical bag. 

Lisa’s employment search preoccupied her family for months. One day her husband told their three boys that to make things easier for mom, he had a list of jobs for them. They were all silent until our six-year-old spoke up: "When are the interviews?"

 "Mom," said the little girl, "Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?" "Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say." "Well then, I'm going to milk the cat!"

The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward. "Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week. "I don't know what you mean," replied the second. "It's simple," replied the first. "Were you sick when you came in here? Or did they make you sick when you got here?"

At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going overseas. One young man, having received his series of injections, asked for a glass of water.

"What's the matter, Mate?" asked the sick bay attendant.

"Do you feel pain?"

"No, just checking to see if I'm still watertight."


A new survey in the aftermath of April 1st reveals that 98.5% of people think workplace practical jokes are important for company morale. ***MARLAR: The remaining 1.5% are tired of having "kick me" signs stuck to their backs.

The luxurious Hotel Cortisen in Austria allows dogs but has banned young children because nowadays, they're so badly-behaved.  ***MARLAR: At least people still housebreak their dogs.



...A man drinking Brazilian coffee out of an English cup while sitting on Danish furniture after coming in a German car from an Italian Movie, then picks up his Japanese ball point pen and writes a letter to his Congressman that something must be done about the American economy.


In Minocqua, Wisconsin, there was a run on Trig's Minocqua Shell station after they suddenly started selling gas for under 33 cents a gallon!

Unfortunately they never intended to be quite so generous at the pumps. At closing, an employee mistakenly entered the price of a gallon of gasoline as 32.9 cents instead of $3.29. He left about 10 p.m., but drivers could still use their credit cards to buy gas. Word of the bargain spread fast and 42 drivers sucked out 586 gallons in an hour and 45 minutes. When police saw the lines and chaos they called the store manager who ran down to the store and pushed the emergency stop.



Dear Lord,

I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God. And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example-to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will. Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood.

I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will not share this prayer with others. I pray for those that don't believe. But I thank you that I believe. I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers, for each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes, that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.

This is my prayer.

In Jesus Name, Amen.



Read: 1 Samuel 13:1-15

You have not kept the commandment of the Lord . . . . Now your kingdom shall not continue. —1 Samuel 13:13-14

I always knew that disobedience has consequences, but it came home to me forcibly in basic training during World War II. I had traveled beyond the distance allowed on my weekend pass to be with my wife Ginny, and I returned to camp late because the train had broken down. I paid for my rule-breaking—20 hours of extra duty washing pots and pans!

King Saul also learned the high cost of disobedience. He faced the prospect of fighting a huge well-equipped Philistine army with his small band of frightened and untrained followers. While waiting for Samuel to come and offer a sacrifice before going to battle, Saul became impatient and offered the sacrifice himself, even though he knew that God had given that right only to the priests. It was a costly mistake.

Saul had begun his reign with humility and compassion, and he gave God the credit (1 Samuel 11). And the prophet Samuel told him that God would have kept the kingship in his family if he had obeyed God's command (13:13-14). But that one act of disobedience changed the course of his life. From that point on, it was a sad downhill journey.

Never forget that disobedience has consequences. And some of them may be very costly. —Herb Vander Lugt
O help me, Lord, to be afraid
Of disobedient ways;
And may I seek what pleases You,
What gives You highest praise. —Sper

The way of obedience is the only way of blessing.



Could Snoopy signal the demise of education in China?

McDonald's outlets in a southern Chinese city could face fines of $1,200-$12,000 after a Snoopy doll promotion turned violent. Dwindling supplies of the Snoopy doll triggered a run on the Chinese McDonalds outlets, resulting in fist fights among customers and a smashed window at one location. As if that is not bad enough, it turns out that the 34 outlets in China weren’t even licensed to sell the toy. The violation is punishable under Chinese law by a fine of anywhere between $1,200 and $12,000.  And now parents are complaining that their children's education is on the line. Why? Because disappointed students trying to collect the full set of Peanuts dolls (and cannot get the Snoopy doll now) are too upset to continue studying. ***MARLAR: So much for China being tops in the world for education.  Their kids can’t study because they don't have a Snoopy doll.



Want to remember something? Chow down!

A study out of Germany shows that people are more likely to remember something if they eat immediately after learning it. The study says that the human body stores memories by activating hormones. These are the very same hormones that are released during digestion. ***MARLAR: Which explains why I always remember during mealtime that I love dessert!


EASTER STORY COOKIES (Print this out and keep it for next year! To be made the evening before Easter, but try this in-advance first to make sure it works! I’ve never tried it on my own.)

What You Need:

1 Cup whole pecans

1 teaspoon vinegar

3 egg whites

pinch salt

1 Cup sugar

zipper baggy

wooden spoon


How to Make an Easter Impression (as well as cookies):

  • Preheat oven to 300 degrees (this is important - don't wait until you're half done with the recipe).

  • Place pecans in zipper baggy and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. (Read John 19:1-3)

  • Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink (Read John 19:28-30)

  • Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. (Read John 10:10-11)

  • Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. (Read Luke 23:27)

  • So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 Cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loved us. He wants us to know and belong to him. (Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16)

  • Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. (Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3)

  • Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheets. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. (Read Matt. 27: 57-60).

  • Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven "OFF". Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. (Read Matthew 27:65-66)

  • GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. (Read John 16:20-22)

  • On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. (Read Matthew 28:1-9)


How would you like a sound system without any speakers or headphones?

California's Elwood "Woody" Norris has invented just a system. His prototype involves a square aluminum frequency emitter hooked up to a CD player. By pointing the piece of aluminum at a person, they hear what's playing in the CD player. The so-called HyperSonic Sound system has won Woody the $500,000 annual Lemelson-MIT Prize. It works by sending a focused beam of sound above the range of human hearing. When it lands on you, it seems like sound is coming from inside your head. No word yet on when this may wind up in our homes.  ***MARLAR: I’m hearing voices!  I’m hearing voices in my head telling me to… to… to save big money at Menards!



  • You look really good in yellow.

  • You look even better in a bunny suit.

  • You absolutely love the movie, The Ten Commandments.

  • Any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all that bad.

  • You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.

  • It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.

PUNS GALORE (submitted by Paul Cameron)

  • The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

  • I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  • She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

  • A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  • A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  • Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  • A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  • Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

  • I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  • A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

  • The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  • The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  • A backward poet writes inverse.

  • In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

  • When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  • If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

  • A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

  • Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,'Dam!'

  • Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

  • Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

  • Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  • There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.



Want to feel better? Look no further than the end of your fork.

...Here are 10 “super foods” that can boost your immune system, your brain function, even give you a youthful glow. No prescription needed, and no pesky side effects – just dig in.

  1. Tomatoes. The generous amounts of the antioxidant lycopene in tomatoes help skin maintain its youthfulness, and may reduce the risk of developing heart disease, as well as several cancers, including breast, lung, and colon.

  2. Fish Oily fish. (such as salmon, sardines, and mackerel) are packed with omega-3 fatty acids that fight inflammation. They also lower blood pressure &  decrease triglyceride levels.

  3. Nuts. Like fatty fish, nuts are high in omega-3s, and are great for the heart and the brain. Many studies have shown that nuts lower LDL ("bad") cholesterol, reduce the risk of developing blood clots, and improve the lining of arteries.

  4. Broccoli. All cruciferous vegetables, which include broccoli, cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts, and cauliflower, contain cancer-fighting phytochemicals.

  5. Grapes. Rich in an antioxidant called resveratrol that is an anti-inflammatory and anti-coagulant, red grapes have been shown to extend the life span of test animals. Grapes contain several other powerful nutrients that keep cancer at bay.

  6. Berries. Blueberries, raspberries, and other deeply colored berries contain phytochemicals known as flavonoids. These antioxidants have been shown to improve brain function and slow the growth of some cancers.

  7. Tea. Green and white teas contain large amounts of EGCG, an antioxidant linked to a lower risk of heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and numerous types of cancer.

  8. Cranberries. Researchers at the University of Scranton in Pennsylvania found that drinking three glasses of cranberry juice daily for a month significantly raised HDL ("good") cholesterol by 10 percent and lowered the risk of heart disease by 40 percent. Cranberries contain phytochemicals that have been found to block cancerous tumors.

  9. Garlic. Garlic contains allium compounds, which keep carcinogens from entering cells. According to studies, garlic — as well as onions, leeks, and chives — lowers the risk of stomach and colon cancer.

  10. Chocolate. Studies suggest that antioxidant-rich chocolate has a low dose aspirin-like effect that could help prevent both heart attacks and strokes, lower blood pressure, and improve blood flow.


Are you feeling a bit overwhelmed at work? Burned out? Here are seven signs that you're burned out at work 

1. You’re overly cynical. 

2. You want to run away. 

3. You’re messing up normally easy tasks. 

4. You’re always tired. 

5. You’re always disgruntled. 

6. You’re doubting yourself. 

7. You’re sick all the time.

Learn more about the signs… and how to fix them!
As the tax deadline nears, states are fighting a surge in fake tax filings from identity thieves. According to Yahoo News, Kentucky and other states are becoming more forthright, telling taxpayers they’ll have to be patient and allow time for verification before refunds are sent. It’s one of several new steps against what officials say is an upsurge in identity thieves filing false returns and directing the ill-gotten refunds to their own accounts. State officials also are turning to outsiders for help, quizzing taxpayers more closely about their identities and contemplating new legislation. Kentucky officials decided to go public because the problem was growing: They caught $16.5 million in fraudulent claims last year — double the amount they detected the previous year. 
There is hope and redemption for all of us.  A former prison inmate was appointed as pastor over Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California this weekend. According to CBN, Danny Duchene was nearly 20 years into his double life sentence when he first encountered Pastor Rick Warren, through his bestselling book "The Purpose Driven Life". The book changed Duchene's life and inspired inmates to begin the "Sierra Christian Center", a small nondenominational church at the California's Sierra Prison. In the past 13 years, thousands of lives have been changed and prisons across America have followed Sierra's example. Duchene was freed after serving 32 years in prison. This weekend he was officially installed as Pastor of Saddleback Church's Prison Ministry.


Here at the end of the show things really get boring.  The show is so dead right now, there's a buzzard on the window sill.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers


"Thanks to modern medicine we are no longer forced to endure prolonged pain, disease, discomfort and wealth."  - Robert Orben


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


APRIL 01, 2016…


Collide---With a title like this, you would think it would be a meteor movie, instead, Nicholas Hoult stars in a story of trying to escape from the mob. A robbery goes awry and Anthony Hopkins, as a crime boss, is after him.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Felicity Jones.  “Collide” is rated R. No rating.


Amityville: The Awakening---This is supposed to be a restart of the famed horror film series about residents who live in a haunted house, again, and again. Sigh. The stars are Bella Thorne and Jennifer Jason Leigh. “Amityville: The Awakening” is rated R. No rating.


Everyone Wants Some (opening in select cities)---1980’s college baseball is just about what you would expect, with girls, games and school time.  Stars include Blake Jenner, Wyatt Russell and Ryan Guzman. (Do the last names of these young stars look familiar?) “Everyone Wants Some” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Pandemic (opening in select cities)--- Another film set in the future and a virus gone awry. This one has a young, female doctor (Rachel Nichols) locked in a lab trying to find a cure. The original title was "Viral." "Pandemic” is rated R. No rating.


Hunt For The Wilder People (opening in select cities)---Sam Neill stars as a crotchety New Zealander who, with his wife, takes in a foster child and tries to give him a home. Other stars are Julian Dannebon and Rachel House. “Hunt For The Wilder People” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Meet The Blacks---This comedic movie has Mike Epps and his family (with the last name of Black) winning big and leaving Chicago for Beverly Hills.. The cast includes George Lopez, Mike Tyson and Perez Hilton. “Meet The Blacks” is rated R. No rating.


Miles Ahead---This is  a bio-pic of the late jazz musician, Miles Davis.  Don Cheadle stars as Davis with Ewan McGregor as the Rolling Stone reporter, Dave Brill, who is trying to get an interview with Davis. We see the ups and downs of Miles Davis life. “Miles Ahead” is rated R. Rating of 2 for jazz fans.


APRIL 08, 2016…


Before I Wake has a family dealing with a child’s nightmare’s that come true. Stars Kate Bosworth.


The Boss is a Melissa McCarthy comedy movie in which is she is a business leader who goes to prison.


Demolition has Jake Gyllenhaal in a break-down after a tragedy and trying to rebuild his life.


Mr. Right is a study of manic-depression and stars Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick.


Term Life has Vince Vaughn in a comedy about a bank robber.


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WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at

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